The Scare

What is fear? Simple, fear is the absence of knowledge. Yeah, that sounds profound and deep, but really to me there are few things more frightening than not knowing. When you're a new father, you are in an almost constant state of fear because the baby won't stop crying, or you don't hear him breathing, or you have no clue if you're doing anything at all correctly.But those are common fears and they come and go with time. I've been told that the subsequent children that follow your first are much easier because your fears become less and less a problem. Tuesday I had a rather uncommon fear.Let me preface this story by saying that in emergencies I tend to be very level headed on the outside and run every worst case scenario through my mind on the inside. Keeping that in mind, while at work on Tuesday, I got a frantic call from my wife. She had obviously been crying and still was. Her words were pained and her breath was short. Her voice trembled as she told me she had a pain in her chest, radiating through her back. She asked if I could come home, which of course, I did, dropping literally everything at work to rush home.For those familiar with Bowling Green, KY where I live and work, you'll appreciate this. I got from my job at the 31W end of Scottsville Road to Plano Road which is across I-65 and beyond Greenwood High school in literally six minutes. For perspective, it takes me about 15 to get to work each morning going that route.However, once on Plano road, I got locked behind a school bus letting kids out and the eight cars between me and the bus. I fought every urge to go around all nine vehicles on a blind hill because I had no idea what was happening with my wife and mother of my son. I did finally get home and found my wife in tears and agony. The last thing she had told me as I got off the phone was, "I can't take care of him (my son.)" So my thought was that she was having a panic attack. That turned out not to be the case, which scared me more because I think thought it was a heart problem.I called 911 for the first and hopefully last time in my life. The paramedics arrived and ruled out heart problems and decided to take her on to the hospital in the ambulance. I was to follow behind, but was cautioned if the ambulance turned on its lights and siren, not to try to keep up. When they left the drive, the siren came on and they were gone. I loaded my son into his car seat and sped to the hospital, staying just within sight of the ambulance.That leaves a man with too much time to think. My biggest fear was losing her in some way. I suppose that's every husband and father's biggest fear. For me I feel like it's amplified. My wife is the best thing short of salvation of my soul, to ever happen to me. And the two really aren't mutually exclusive because she keeps me inline and inspires me to be a better man, husband, Christian, and father.So what is fear? Fear is not knowing, for those few minutes, if your wife is ok. Fear is not knowing if you're going to be raising a 6 week old boy on your own. Fear is not knowing how life's pendulum is going to swing.My wife is ok. She's scheduled to have surgery on Tuesday to correct the problem, which turned out to be gall stones. It almost seems comical now, me thinking the worst and the problem turning out to be so minor, relatively. Fear like that is healthy I think. I appreciate my wife probably more than most men, but I do even moreso now. I look at my son and love him because of who he is and because he's part of my wife. And I want to try, even harder to be all of those things I mentioned.So while the new daddy diary has been fairly light-hearted thusfar, I wanted to get this all off my chest. I apprecaite you obliging me that. I hope none of you who might read this ever have to fear like I did Tuesday. But if you do, I hope God grants you the outcome He did us.

Pray Your Child Doesn't Get Colic

Why colic stinks, by Sivart WorfnerColic stinks because it is a generic term for a collection of symptoms, rather than a name for a condition. The symptoms aren't even necessarily present in every "case" of colic.Here are some signs that your newborn has colic and Aiden's status on each symptom.Excessive gas....checkSudden screaming....checkCrying for more near three hour increments...checkClinching of the arms and legs...checkThree or more of these "fits" per week...checkThat all adds up to Sivart being one very tired individual. And Mrs. Worfner is likely worse because she gets all that fun plus has to stay up feeding the baby. Bless her heart.How do you cure colic? Well, gee whiz, since we don't really even know what it is we can't cure it. I think it's basically another name for gassiness that has no obvious source. Mylicon drops can help the child get comfortable faster, but not that much faster.Basically, you wait. It tends to last around three weeks and is less prevalent in breast fed babies. Luckily we bucked that trend! It's a taxing time for the child without doubt, but the parents (especially first time parents) really struggle. Aiden's colic tends to hit him hard around 11 at night (when it lasts for about three hours, you do the math.)It's the toughest test of patience I've ever endured and I can CERTAINLY understand how a weak person could snap and shake the child. Never, ever would I condone it, but when you have a colicky child, you see the chinks in your own armor and you can understand.I love my son and thank God daily for him, but it's no cliche to say it's the toughest job you'll ever have.

Back When I Thought I'd Never Sleep Again

Post #4 from the Affect:

New Daddy Diary, Entry #3
Sleep?
What Sleep?!?!Among the hundreds of cliches parents endure during a pregnancy,
the most common is the, "Enjoy your sleep while you can" cliche. I, like every
father before me, appreciated the obvious advice but got very tired of hearing
the same things over and over.Nothing could have been more true than that cliche
however. Sleep has become a rare commodity, far more precious than gold. Me
complaining about my sleep is downright shameful when you consider the serious
lack of sleep my wife has to endure as a breastfeeding mother. Several times a
night she is up with him, changing, feeding, burping and rocking. The whole
ordeal last for nearly an hour. When that happens three or four times a night,
then you can see the problem.Mrs. Worfner and I had decided that Sunday morning
would be young Aiden's first trip to church services. On Saturday night and into
Sunday morning, Aiden changed our plans. He was very fussy all night, but at 3AM
he woke up and stayed up until 7:30. Needless to say, my wife and son didn't
accompany me to services that morning. Since I was only up for less than half of
that, I did manage to make it although I missed out on bible study before
services.I have the ability to sleep through my child's screams. I'm not
bragging, in fact, it's embarassing to me. My wife has accused me of ignoring
him, and deep down I think she believes I am. I tell you I am not. I told her
early on, just wake me up and I'll be glad to change him and do what I can. For
3 1/2 weeks she never would take me up on it. I'm glad to say she got over that
this weekend. And I truly am thankful. It helps alleviate some of my guilt for
not being able to do more.So all you soon to be fathers and potential parents,
enjoy your sleep now. It's a rarity when you become the parent of a newborn. At
least I'm at work now where I can catch up on my rest.

Peed off? Better than being peed on.

Post #3 from the Affect:

New Daddy Diary, Entry#2
I've never considered myself to be tolerant of
being urinated on. Throughout my life before parenthood I can honestly not
remember it ever happening to me, and I've never felt like I've missed out on
anything. RKelly jokes aside, it's just not appealing to have someone else's
waste poured on you.I have the distinct honor of being the first parent to be
baptized by our son. The maiden voyage on the U.S.S.P.P happened during his
first bath. He was laying on a towel on the sink and both of us had turned our
heads for just a moment when my shoulder felt suddenly warm, then moist. How did
I react, naturally I put my hand up, changed my shirt and moved on with little
more than a chuckle.Since we have learned the lesson that little boys will
urinate upon immediate contact with air. Thus removing the diaper becomes an act
of skill. My son has peed on himself already more times than I care to mention.
Face, hair, belly, arms, back. He has expressed his displeasure with our choice
of window blinds and paint color in a like manner. To save yet another cleaning
of the wall, I have elected to have my hand covered in pee more than once.I'm
getting quicker with the new diaper as well, but then you've wasted a diaper.
And while diapers aren't comparable to rare coinage in value, I'm too miserly to
throw anything away. No, before you ask, I don't put it on anyway, I just hate
throwing a slightly damp diaper away. So I resist the urge to let it air dry and
throw it in the Diaper Genie anyway. And I sulk.It's amazing the things you
become accustomed to. Being peed on. Cleaning someone else's anus. Being spit up
on. Ear bloodying screams. And we're not even four weeks in. Think of what I'll
become numb to next week.

The Incident

Also taken from "The Affect" this is what I wrote describing one of the more frightening times in my life. Several of the early entries here will be copies from the Affect by the way. New Daddy Diary, Entry #1
As faithful readers of this blog know, I
became a first time father on November 14th at? (anyone? anyone?) 7:43PM. In the
future for as long as it's interesting and as long as I can remember, I'll chronicle some of the more notable goings on in my recently expanded family.
On Sunday night I stayed home with Aiden while Mrs. Worfner went to church services. (I had gone that morning.) He was asleep virtually the entire time in his "Papasan." Which is basically a metal frame with cloth stretched over it that he lays in. It vibrates, it plays music, it vibrates and plays music simultaneously! Fascinating device.
Rather than pick him up and risk waking him, I carried him Papasan and all into the computer room for some internet time on Hilltopper Haven. After a while that got old, so I picked him up, Papasan and all, and carried him back toward the living room. Stopping to turn the light out when I lost my grip on the right side of the Papasan. it dropped straight to the floor and he tumbled out knocking his sweet, innocent head on the floor.
I'm sure every parent at some point in their child's infancy drops the kid or does something to potentially injur them. At least that's what people have told me to console me. It seems reasonable that unless you're Jerry Rice (great hands) then you might do that.
He screamed a paint peeling yell and cried for a solid 12 minutes seemingly without breathing. The thoughts that run through your head at that point are paralyzing. Is he brain damaged? Where's the soft spot? Did his eyes look like that before? What's the red place?
Mrs. Worfner came home at precisely the time Aiden stopped crying. I confessed anyway and then turned down dinner (for a little while anyway) because I honestly thought I'd be sick if I could just calm down enough to puke.Luckily Aiden's perfectly fine and I've not yet been investigated for body slammed baby syndrome.
Stop by next time for:Aiden's growing like a heatlhy babyorBouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, CRACK!!
Thought for the day (provided by a fellow Havenite, Swordfish)"The diapers say 8-10
pounds, but they don't hold half that much."

The Presentation

This is a post from my other blog, Incongruent-Affect. It was the one where we showed our son off to the world. I think this is a good place to start.

Liz and I are proud to announce the birth of Aiden Christopher on
11/14/2005 at 7:43PM. He weighed in at 7lbs 9.5 ozs and he was 19 inches
long.
Both baby and mother are healthy and happy, praise God.
I don't typically get too preachy, especially on here, but the birth of a child is proof of God in my eyes. I pity those who see it as anything less.